Selfish thoughts :/

Lately life has become very predictable. I wake up get my girls dressed for school, drop them off check the mail and come home. My hubby takes off to work at 8:30AM. At about 8-9 AM I get a call from my sister and we speak till 10-11. EVERYDAY! I am so bored I haven't had the energy to do anything. My love of crafts has dwindled as it too has become routine. I crave excitement, I crave LIFE! I want to feel a bit more my age (24) than this person who has been a mother for almost 7 years. I want to feel young. I hate that my life is passing by and I haven't done anything. I want to feel like I have something to look forward to every day and not this life that has become predictable to say the least.
Before getting pregnant with Haley at 16, I wasn't the party girl type or anything remotely close. I have always loved reading romance novels, and I always hoped love would find me in the same way it found the heroines of my books. I wanted that same passion that they discovered when they opened themselves up to it. Is it so bad that I feel as if that passion NEVER found me? I want to be whisked away and just loved. I want to be able to look at my husband and feel that... I can't even explain the feeling. I just hate that I FEEL AS IF SOMETHING IS MISSING IN MY LIFE. I love my daughters and can't imagine life without them, but I just want to feel different about the life that I lead. I am looking over my post and see exactly how many sentences start with the letter "I". Trust me I know how selfish I am being at the moment, but I have NEVER put myself first since I found out I was pregnant.
Its always been about someone else. About how they are doing, feeling and what they need or want. It has never been about what I need or what I want. I have always made concessions if Zack needs something, or have gone without if my girls want anything. I try to be a good mother to them and raise them differently from how I was raised. I just want life to be about ME for a change. I know SELFISH!!! One thing I know I NEED to do is get my education going so that I can move on from this point in my life. I need to make the changes in my life that need to be made so I can leave this town and every reminder of it behind. I HATE IT HERE!!! I love my husband, but honestly I'm not sure how much longer I can take his attitude, or his lack of ambition. I don't know if, after I finish taking the steps needed to get a career started, our relationship can work. I hate these thoughts more than you know but I can't help but think that if I had started my career would I deal with the crap that I deal with on a daily basis. I don't know how much longer I can do this for.
I want to be selfish. I want to think of only myself and my wants and needs. Fortunately, (THANK THE LORD) I love my children so much that I swallow the thoughts of my self-(UN)worth and try to make life happy for them. I put a smile on my face and act as if all is right with the world and look forward to the day that I can be just a little selfish and maybe think of myself and my daughter's happiness before anything else. Life never goes as planned, but I thank GOD that HE has blessed me with 2beautiful little girls and with the life that I do have after all the selfish thoughts I have.
If anyone ever reads this: please don't think too badly of me, I am just trying to figure out the best way to grow up...