Getting Lost

I used to read a lot. I mean I could read 10 books in a week and still want to read more. I would get lost in them. I would leave my world and become the young heroine. It was me who was falling in love with the Duke. I was the one flying over buildings on a broomstick. When I turned 15, I entered what I call my 'Depressed Year'. I had been a very out going person up until then. I would sit in our backyard with a good romance and just read for hours, or until my mother called me inside. Every parent wants their children to read a lot. Every school encourages reading. Well, my mother was not happy at all about the amount of time I spent reading a book. I had hundreds of books, all of them my favorites and one day I get home from school and they are all gone. I cried for days. I have always been very different from my Mexican family. I am a first generation American. Unlike all my sisters and cousins, I have always been very proud to call myself an American. The Mexican part of me is, I'm sorry to say, but not very important. I can speak fluent Spanish but my children only speak English. Not that I'm ashamed or anything, but I have always considered myself an American. I have always read rather than go to a party or club or anything like that. I never learned to dance like my family, never really wanted to. I have always been the weird one in my family. When I was 16, we got the internet at my house. I started to talk to an older man in chat rooms. I felt like he understood me better than anyone else. We would talk on the phone for hours on end. Needless to say that our phone bills were outrageous. My mother sent me to live with my father. I met a boy in this tiny town. I don't know if I fell for him or I just needed to get away from the norm that was my life. One day we had sex and 2 weeks later I am late. At first all I could think about was having an abortion. I just wanted myy life to be normal again. But on January 3 2005 I welcomed my baby girl Haley. Her dad and I had split (DUH!) and it was just me and her. My mother supported me through this and we made it through. Zack and I eventually got back together and we raised our Haley together. Now we are married and have another little girl Olivia. As I sit here writing this I can't help but think about how I need to be a better mother to them. Sometimes I wish that I could still get lost in my books. Leave this world and enter one where I know for sure there is a happy ending. Life is so unpredictable. As much as we can plan for a better future, something will always get in the way....