And Then Everything Goes Downhill

Today started of great. My husband and I rested (he has Fridays and Saturdays off), I made bows and he learned how to make ribbon roses. [I know, you don't have to say anything] All day we had a good time with our girls. Went into town ran some errands and came home and relaxed again. I sold bows, made some custom bows and finally bejeweled the black ribbon rose he made for my daughter Haley. We are going to a quince tomorrow and she needed a bow. At about midnight I start shutting everything down and get ready for bed. He wants some and honestly I am exhausted from a very long day. So I say no. He goes to take a shower and comes out all pissed and stomping. Ugh, I know what the signs mean. This night is about to get longer. I call it my husbands 'time of the month' He goes off on his rampages and be careful if you are in his path as I always happen to be. I can never seem to let anything go. Instead of going to bed and letting him cool off by shooting some guys on MOH I goad him. A mistake that I have made before. I have this thing about going to sleep mad. I never want to. And I can't sleep until we're both in bed.I mean we have this party to go to tomorrow. If he doesn't get his sleep time, he's like a baby who didn't take a nap. Very annoying. Tonight was no different than any other night in the past, except that I am tired of being the battered woman who has a bit of a bruised cheek or a swollen lip. I hate the lies that come with being an abused woman. I especially hate the curious looks. We live in a very small town, so anyone hearing our little outburst are known to let the whole town in our little[big] fight. You know there are other men out there that I think are worse than my wife-beating husband. The men that apologize after hitting you and saying that they'll never do it again are the bad ones. Anyway, I am getting side-tracked. Other times I have taken the slaps once ina while the punches or the head bashing onto things, this time I fought back. He railroaded me onto my bed and I just started kicking. I think it surprised him because I saw a quick look. Then we he backed off I taunted him, I said "come on isnt this what you want, come on hit me, but know I am going to hit oyu back. He says I dont want to hit you I just want this done. This refers to the house cleaning. And then I can't help but feel responsible for the whole thing. I am not the perfect house wife. I have been improving I swear but apparently not quickly enough. I have kept the house clean, there's no trash on the floor or clothes. I have done the dishes, and there isn't much more that needs to get done. I have tried to keep the house cleaner now that I have people coming over to see my bows, and he complains that because there's people coming over that that is the reason I am cleaning. I don't know about this anymore. I don't clean he gets mad then I clean and he still gets mad. As I am writing this I am realizing that the hits are not my fault. I love my husband very much{battered woman's syndrome anyone??). On our good days we are perfect for each other but on our bad days, well get out of the way. This blog thing is helping me understand a bit more about myself. I am very happy I started one.