Jesus Take The Wheel

In my entire life nothing 'horrible' has happened to me. The worst moment, so far has been the death of my grandfather when I was 7ish. I'm pretty sure I've mentioned this before, but once more wont hurt. I cried uncontrollably for a man that I had never really gotten to know. He was my grandfather, but only in the sense that he was my mothers father. He lived n Chicago and I think I only saw him once before he died. Really not someone that was a huge part of my life or anything. But anyway back to the original topic, nothing horrible has ever happened to me. When I got pregnant with my daughter Haley at 16,I was pretty devastated, but not because the of the pregnancy but of what my mother would say. That was the scary moment in my life. Nothing big really because I knew I would be OK. I knew that I would survive and that everything was going to be alright.I would LIVE. I am truly blessed in every way imaginable. I am married to my daughters father and though our relationship is rocky at best, we try for our daughters, we try. Maybe sometimes it isn't worth the heartache, but for them we try to make a life together. Though when I think of the future I really don't see him there, I know I'll be OK. My daughters and I can and will survive. For the past 3 years I have been trying to go back to school, but I just haven't stuck with it. Can't seem to be able to stick with anything really. I think its because if I do move on with my life, I am going to be leaving my husband behind. I know that while I move forward with my professional life, that I will not stick around much longer. And as much as I hate to admit it I am terrified of being by myself. I know that I'll be OK, but I am still terrified of what will happen to me and to my daughters. I had a terrible experience with my step father and I have never wanted that for my children, but i know that I can't stay here. I am terrified of change. Absolutely 100% terrified of the future, of the unknown. I have led a life of always knowing where I'll be... I am terrified. of failing something that I haven't even started because I feel like such failure as mother and a wife. I feel as if I have failed in my marriage. Failed my 7 and soon to be 4 year old daughters. I don't know what to do to stop and change. 1 minute I can be thinking of how much I want to be there for my kids and the next I am yelling at them to get away and go play somewhere. I don't know how to deal with everything going on in my head. I hate feeling like this, but I don't know how to start changing. I don't know how to go further in life without my marriage falling apart. or the seems that hold it together from ripping apart. I can't see the end of my marriage, but I can't see myself with the man I married for the rest of my life. I don't know what to do! Don't know how to change!
How does one go into the future knowing that it might not turn out the way we expected, or worse in my case, turn out just the way I expect it to go.
I need God in my life, and I don't know how to even do that. What should be one of the easiest things for me to do, I can't! My life is going no where! Absolutely NO WHERE!
Have you heard the song Jesus Take The Wheel by Carrie Underwood? Well I heard it on the radio the other day and it got me thinking... I need to let God take over my life and just guide me to where He wants me to go, but I don't know how to give up control. My first step will be to go to church on Sunday with my girls. Enough is enough! I am letting God take over. I am going to let Him guide me through this life. I am going to trust that He will guide me through the correct road He meant for my life to take. I am praying He paves the road in His grace and sends me to where he needs me to be for my family.
Nothing life ending has ever happened to me because my mother always taught me that with all the bad in the world, we could turn around and find the good. Everything will be OK because God NEVER sends you through something you can't handle! I thank Him every day for the blessings He has sent my way. Though I never feel worthy, I thank Him for everything in my life.