The End

The End. That's how this will start. Last night my husband and I talked. "I don't understand, help me understand." That's what he said right before bed. So I just told him. I am NOT IN LOVE with you anymore. I basically ended my marriage last night. And I didn't shed a single tear... How wrong is that. My husband was literally bawling, and I'm sitting there annoyed at the (over) emotion on his part. I told him that I love him but not in the same way. Not anymore. I'm not sure where we're going from here. I told him how lost I am. He honestly doesn't seem to get it. He doesn't see exactly how unhappy I am. Ahh! I am about to be 25 years old and I am so lost! He gave me his wedding band, and said: keep it and try to come back to me, give it back to me when you know where you are going. I don't know if I want to try anymore. I don't know if I want to stay in this relationship anymore. I just don't know anymore. I want something different. I am craving something different. Like I told him last night, I don't know if I'm just bored with my life, or if I really don't want to be married to him anymore. I want to be able to have the option of being able to go out with someone and not feel too guilty. I a just tired of feeling personally responsible for all the crap in my life. I hate thinking that its MY fault that our life sucks and that everything bad that happens is my fault. If I do something bad, I always feel like the next bad things is on me. I don't want to feel that way anymore. I don't know how to stop those feelings. I just want to feel normal for once. I want to be my age for once. I have always been my mothers daughter, Haley's mom, my husbands wife, I just want to be ME. Is that so much to ask for? I just need to find me. Find out who I am by myself. That's what I need right now. That's what I want. I just want to understand my role in life. I want to see what I can do on my own, and what kind of mother I am on my own. I need to do that.