My Own Personal Diary

I treat this place as my personal diary... This is the only place that I can be me and that I don't fear talking about my crappy inner feelings and my personal demons. I can talk to myself here and let out all the crap that I am feeling without having to open my mouth. And right now all I can tell myself is to let go of "him" and move on... I wish I could do casual. I wish I could just start sleeping around and not worry about the crap that I am missing. But of course I can't. Like Meredith said in that one episode of Grey's Anatomy, my heart lives in my vagina. It does... The part of my brain that forms attachments lives there. (HEHE 2 psych classes in one semester and I think I'm a genius!) Anyway... why can't I be slutty. I should want to be out there meeting new people and enjoying my life since I have NEVER been a SINGLE adult! AT ALL!!! I had my oldest at 17, moved in with her dad the day after I graduated high school and here we are 6 years later... miserable. I should WANT to do things people my age have done already. But alas, I just want to find true love... I just want to find someone to talk to and share my life with. Who wants to share their life with me too. Who is allowed to share their life with me. Who can talk to me at any time of day and not have to worry about wifey finding out. Who can take me out and be seen with me. Whom I can bring around my family, some one to LOVE! That is all I want. I just want to find that head over heels, love where all you think about is the other person. I just want LOVE. I want what I haven't been able to obtain in the last 6 years of my live in relationship with my husband. I told him today that I think I need to see a doctor about my depression and he said, would me eating your pussy make you happy... UGH!!!! I can't have a normal conversation with him. No matter how hard I try. As much as feel like my marriage is over, I am still trying to find a way back to him.