So, today, yet again, I feel like crap. I really wish that I could find someone that I could talk to and maybe forget the crappy life I live. I need that in my life right now. I don't know what to do anymore. I really wish I could go back to not knowing what I was missing. I wish that I could learn to settle for the life I have. But no. I have to go and start over thinking my life. I have to read romance novels about how happy people albeit in stories are once they find the loves of their lives. I have to go and ruin myself, for what? Absolutely nothing. Because no matter how hard I try, I will always be this. This person who is unhappy with everything. You have no idea how much I wish that I could feel for my husband the the way the books describe it. I want that kind if love. No, I NEED that kind of love. I am so miserable without it. Please, GOD send me that kind of love. I'm begging for it. Please, show me the way to happiness. I don't want to feel like this anymore. I hate myself! I am so miserable! I can't even be happy just hanging out with my husband. I don't know what to do anymore. I don't know how to live without that kind of happiness anymore. I need someone that can give me that. I need love and romance and passion. I need laughter and genuine conversation. I need someone who will bring me out of my funky moods and just make life interesting instead of the crap hole I find myself in. I just want someone that I can talk to... To make me forget this depressing time in my life. I need something to HAPPEN! I just want to be happy. Is that so hard to do? Is it really that hard to find someone to make me happy? I want someone to love. GOD, PLEASE, I AM BEGGING YOU! PLEASE.
----- Your Faithful Servant,
Belinda
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