So on Saturday, I might have a date... I'm not sure how this "dating" thing works LOL. Do you talk on the phone, text on the days leading up to the date, just the day before... I have never been in this position before.. It's new and exciting and I am so nervous! I won't believe that I am on an actual date till I'm driving there LOL. I am so nervous about the whole thing. I can't wait, but then again I am so insecure that I am sure he's going to cancel or something. I just don't know how this works and I am so nervous about it. I think I just wrote the word "nervous" like 5-6 times. I'm excited and can't wait to be there.
I just wish I was more secure about myself. I want to be certain of where I am heading.
I HATE THAT I DON'T KNOW THE DATING PROTOCOL!!!
I don't know how to greet the person. Do I hug him, shake his hand, peck on the cheek? AHH I don't know! I am 24 going on 25 and I have never been on a real first date before. I am SO not counting 'him' as a date BTW. That was nothing! I am nervouse because new guy actually asked me for a date. At a coffee shop. For lunch. I'm not sure what to do with this information. I can't process it with a clear outcome either because I am so sure he's going to cancel or something.
BTW do I text him at all like today? I have no clue what I'm doing and no one that I can talk to about any of this. It sucks so much that I am totally inept at this. Maybe I should post a question on Yahoo answers. LOL. Yea maybe not.. UGH! I don't know what to do. I am so out of my depth here its insane. I just don't know what to do and it freaks me out. A LOT! I am freaking out! What if he doesn't like me? I am so nervous its not even funny. I am so scared too. I giggle when I'm nervous and I laugh at pretty much anything that comes out of peoples mouths at this time. I just don't want to make a fool out of myself. That is my biggest worry. Emotionally, and in dating years, I'm probably like 16 years old. I am not a calm cool and collected 24 year old mom of 2. I am the awkward 16 year old I was almost 9 years ago. I am still her. Insecure, emotionally insecure, with low self esteem and body issues. I just don't know how I'm going to do this. I want to act like I am Ms. Cool girl. And I can't. I don't know how. :/ But I have to say, my depression has lessened a lot since I atarted this new pathway. I think I am actually in a better place for myself. I just hate that I am hurting my husband with all this.
Its crazy though! We haven't been happy in a really long time. SO I don't know why he keeps acting like we have this amazing marriage that we REALLY don't have. I just don't know how to make him see that he really isn't as happy as he thinks he is. We are good parent's to our daughters, but not together.
No comments:
Post a Comment