I want to change my life

I want to change my life. I want to change the fact that I am so self conscious. I hate that I don't think that I deserve whatever I have in my life. I wish that I could change me. I just want to be a better me. I want to be a better person. I want to be less self conscious and doubtful of my own abilities. I just want to be better. I want to make a decision about my marriage. I want to BE ABLE to make a decision about it. I can't keep living the same way that I have been. It doesn't work. I can't work this way. I can't keep doubting myself and the decision that I see myself making very soon. I know that I want to end my marriage because I am no longer happy in the position that I am in. I want to find someone who will treat me the way I think I deserve to be treated. I want to be better... I want to be better... I want to be better... I want to be certain of the place I see my life heading. I don't want to be waffling on this subject anymore. I can't let the fear of doing the wrong thing, or making the wrong decision. I just don't want to be miserable anymore. I want and deserve to be happy. My daughters deserve to be happy. I like getting emails for 'him'. I love it. But I still wish that I could talk to him every day and not have to worry about spouses and anything like that. I want a man who is free to talk to me and not just looking for a hook up. I am WAY passed that stage in my life. I just want to be happy. I want to be free to look and find someone who is free to look for me. I don't want to be afraid to look and find someone who is going to make me happy. I want to be happy! I need to decide. I might call my older sister tonight and ask for help on this. I just don't know what to do. I had a talk with my husband and he doesn't want to let go. He wants to keep fighting for our relationship, but I am tired of having to fight for something that I know isn't working and hasn't been working since it began more than 8 years ago. I am done fighting. I am just done. I just don't know how to move on from here. How to leave my husband, when I have no place to go. I am a stay at home mother. I just started school. I have no job. How do I do this... This is what I need help on. This is what I need help on.