LOL Life

**If there's anyone actually reading my sporadic post, please don't judge me too much after this one!**

So, the last time I wrote in here I was in the middle of trying to save my marriage. Well, My husband and I are still together. We never really resolved anything and in the end I just decided to move on with my life whether he's there or not. I really don't care anymore. Which I think is worse than anything. I recently, like in the last 7 days recent, met a man who is married and pretty much in the same situation as I am. Miserable with our spouses, but can't leave because of our kids. I met him for dinner and things kinda took off from there. I feel bad about the whole "cheating" thing, but I can't help but feel a little more alive since I did it. It just proves to me even more, that my marriage is over. That saddens me because its not as if things can change. I am pushing my husband away more and more every day and I'm not sure where to go from here. I don't know what to do! I never expected this to be my life. IF there's anything that I hate, its cheating. It doesn't make sense to me. Even though I was there, AM there at the moment. I don't know what I am doing anymore. 
This morning I am depressed more than usual. And ever the 'Google-ist' I Google: Signs a spouse is cheating. I found this: http://marriage.about.com/cs/infidelity/a/infidelsigns.htm
I looked through the signs and I literally laughed/cried! I am a little hysterical at the moment :) I am going to list them below:
 
Here are some warning signs that your spouse could be cheating on you.

• Your spouse seems bored. Bored with you, with job, with kids, with hobbies, with life in general. I have this going on at the moment
• Your spouse seems to want danger or thrills in his/her life. I have this going on at the moment
• There is considerably less intimacy in your relationship. Your sex life is practically non-existent.I have this going on at the moment
• Your spouse has a low self-esteem.I have this going on at the moment
• You notice your spouse has a sense of confusion about self.I have this going on at the moment
• Your spouse has become lazy, especially around the house.I especially laughed at this one :)
• Your spouse is more negative.
• You can't get your spouse to communicate with you.I have this going on at the moment
• Your spouse gets very defensive if you mention infidelity or affairs.
• Your spouse is suddenly more attentive than usual.I have this going on at the moment
• Your mate is working longer hours at work.
• Your spouse is dressing nicer, looking nicer.I have this going on at the moment
• You notice charges on credit card statement that don't make sense.
• Your spouse is indifferent to family events like birthdays and holidays.
• You find your partner has been lying to you about a variety of things.
• Money becomes more of an issue between the two of you.
• He/she doesn't want to go anywhere or do anything with you anymore.I have this going on at the moment
• You can't even get your mate to fight with you. This is another funny one
• You feel as if you are being avoided.
• Your partner abandons religious faith. Actually, I am turning more towards GOD on this issue.
• Your spouse seems more secretive.
• You discover lipstick smudge on shirt.
• You learn that you have an STD and you've not strayed.

So there you have it. Signs that your spouse is cheating. 
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This WAS NOT going to be my life! I am supposed to be blissfully happy to be with the father of my children. TO lead a relatively good, although VERY, boring life. This is NOT supposed to be happening to me! I am THE hopeless romantic, who always dreamed of being with the man of her dreams. Happy, BLISSFULLY happy. Why can't I just be happy with what I have. I want to be swept away. To be loved, and cherished, adored, and taken care of. I want to with someone who SHOWS me they love me. I don't want to be unhappy. I don't know what to do NOT to be. This isn't me. I am a glass half full always! How do you end a marriage? Especially when you have daughters who LOVE their father. I don't know how to do this. If there's someone out there in cyber world who just read this and is shaking their head and judging me, please don't. I am a good person. And if there's someone who can give me some advice on this, please do so. I welcome any insight on these crappy feelings.